When peace like a river.

These words flowed through her mind, round and round as she sat, tears streaming and heart heavy with the reality before her. The soft kick in her womb brought the tears on stronger as she realized that in just a few weeks this baby would be here and they still had no plan, no help, and no funding. She battled her own thoughts as she fought with the goodness of God. If He is sovereign and faithful, why has she been running in this hamster wheel for over two years and still landing back in the same pile of filth that she started in? Her soul was waging war on her spirit as Truth spoke love and peace to her heart while her mind reasoned, looked at the track record, and struggled to simply breathe. “When peace like a river,” He whispered. “Peace like a river.” Her mind was drawn to her favorite place to sit with her Father and breathe. The babbling brook lay before her, dripping over the small pebbles, and gushing around the large rocks. Oh how her heart found peace in this place: the smell of the creek, the ducks floating by, the small fish dashing through the current, and the soft brushing of the leaves as the breeze brought a shiver to her skin by the cool bank of the water. “When peace like a river,” He whispered again. “You need not understand right now. You simply need to be.” “But what is the reason Papa? What are you doing? Where are you, and where is your provision?” she sobbed as her heart sank again, missing the tangible presence of her Beloved around her. “You need not know right now Child. Breathe Baby girl. When peace like a river. Allow peace to be. Allow me to be the Prince of Peace. You can never encounter me as the Prince of Peace if you are never in need of peace.”

When peace like a river.

“You can never encounter Me as the Prince of Peace if you are never in need of peace.” These words have been running through my mind since He spoke them. How true is that? We never truly know God as a healer until we need healing, nor a deliverer until we are in need of deliverance. He is God, but he is so deeply multifaceted that for all your days on earth, and all your days in Heaven, you will continually get to know a new perspective of His heart for you. I guess it didn’t register until the moment He whispered that phrase to me that I will never know Him as Peace that surpasses understanding unless I am in desperate need of that Peace. As sick as I am of running this rat race to get help from a broken mental health system, I have come to deeply appreciate getting to know my Father as one of peace, and getting to see how good my husband is at pursuing my heart and setting my needs before his on a daily basis. Just to give some background on what I mean by “getting help from a broke mental health system,” we have been trying to get in home help and funding for Vanessa for years now, but have been pursing it fervently since finding out I was pregnant, because Vanessa can have violent, erratic episodes that are unsafe for a newborn. We have been denied time and time again, and have been on an emergency funding list for over two years now. Month after month, and meeting after meeting escalates my hope only to watch it plummet as the denial form comes back in the mail. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted, and yet my God calls Himself a God of HOPE, PEACE, and REST. One day, one day we will see breakthrough. One day we will see funding. One day we will see Vanessa’s freedom from the bondage that is over her mind, and one day we will see why God has allowed the rollercoaster of mental health issues and episodes. He is faithful child, oh so faithful to you.

When peace like a river.

The fog lifted as the Prince of Peace entered her room. She had met him before, but not like this, and it fascinated her entire being to see Him for who He was. He flowed in, filling the room with overwhelming rest. Her body could hardly stay awake as her mind drifted into a place of peace while his arms wrapped around her. She fell into a deep sleep, her breathing aligned to the heartbeat of her Father.

When peace like a river.

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