She dashes back and forth, fluttering around, bringing food to the little ones, and instantly returns to scavenge again. The tan feathers on her back glisten in the heat of the sun as she flies through the trees, moving with ease to complete her daily routine. She’s a busy sparrow, relying on her strength to keep herself above ground, whipping in and out of the fragrant summer flowers, in a search for food for her children. She hardly sees the rabbits sitting in the yard enjoying an afternoon snack. She breezes right past the squirrels scampering up the big Oak, laughing as they chase one another without a care in the world. As she dashes around the corner, she does not see the window and collides with a resounding, “thud.” She lays dazed for a moment before picking herself up, brushing the dust off, and continues back to her business. He sits watching, waiting; anticipating with sadness in his eyes. “Does she not remember I created her to sing?” She does not spare him a glance these days. In days of old, the Sun was her best friend, her confidant; she would spend hours a day talking with him, listening as he whispered love to her. She was created a singer, a voice in the dry land crying out, but these days she forgets to acknowledge the one who is shinning above her, the one giving light so that she may complete her tasks. She sits exhausted on her nest; “Breathe,” he whispers. She exhales dramatically, completely drained from her weeks of running. “Breathe,” he whispers. She lays her head down trying to ease racing thoughts. “Breathe,” he whispers, “for I have not left you. I will be with you even until the end of this age. Breathe little one, breathe.” She hears him this time, and for one moment, listens and exhales slowly. “Breathe.” As her breath returns, she opens her mouth and sings.
This imagery speaks for itself. Over the past weeks, fear and anxiety have crept up so quickly, choking the faith and joy right from my mouth. Vanessa has been more on edge as my patience dwindled and came to a halting stop, resulting in harsh words and tones exchanged from me to her. While my exhaustion may be worldly “understood and acceptable,” the Lord is calling me higher, whispering, “breathe, for I have created you to sing.” Do the circumstances get easier, by no means. In all reality, every time a phone call comes with bad news or some new life stress, I think, “well, at least it cant get worse.” Then, a few days later, that next call comes, attacks hit, control flees, and I realize, it can always get worse. But, that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Because until this morning, I tried to control every single detail, but as thing after thing fell out of my control, my ears were opened to the voice of the Father whispering, “do you not remember that I created you to sing?” That simple line this morning, spoken as I watched the sparrow flutter through the trees, sent me swirling back to the reality that is the true reality we need to live in. Our God is greater.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:25- 34).
Friends have preached this verse at me for weeks now, but until I heard it again from the voice of the Father, I could not let it soak into my being, absorbing all the lies and doubt, pushing me to trust Him again. As I talked with Him this morning, He brought up Job. As Job was stripped of all he knew and cherished, his control fled, and his praise only grew deeper. Had thing after thing not slipped from my control, my eyes would have stayed off Him far longer.
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).
I love this verse because it reminds me that we need to remind ourselves to trust God, to place our hope in Him, and continue to praise Him, for we were created to sing. Our souls fall downcast; our hearts get tossed in the waves of life, and our thoughts wander to nagging fear that quickly turns to anxiety and depression. Yet, we can remind ourselves to put our hope in God; we can speak truth until we believe it, and we can sing again.
I want to thank each and every one of you for continuing to help me lift my eyes even when my head feels so heavy. The Lord is raising up a Village to lead Vanessa to freedom, to grow her, stretch her, and enrich her with all wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him. Thank you for being part of this Village. We have some areas that we would specifically love prayer for. We are in need of finding somewhere we can call home for a time. Our landlords are in the process of moving themselves, so our house is going on the market. With that said, pray God would provide a home sufficient for our needs as a family, and that it would be within our budget so that I would not need to work full time and could home school Vanessa. We know God has called us to raise her up and spend as much time as we can teaching her and investing in her. His call to home school does not change even if we cannot see it financially working out. Praise God He is bigger than finances. Please continue to lift up Vanessa that she would grow into a greater understanding of God’s love for her. Pray Sean and I would have revelation into His heart for her and patience to parent her. Pray His love and sacrifice for us would be seen in the call he has placed on our lives to “Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly with Him.” He is far worth it beloved, far, far worth it. So, sing.